Bob McCarty Writes

Every year around this time, millions of people around the world prepare to celebrate Cinco de Mayo, leaving mustard lovers out in the cold. Through grassroots publicity efforts, including this blog, I want to do something to change this little-publicized form of discrimination. It’s time for CINCO DE MUSTARD!

Why? Because, frankly, I’m tired of all the festive talk about Cinco de Mayo. Aside from the occasional BLT (that’s Bacon-Lettuce-Tomato sandwich for those of you from Mars), nobody I know even uses mayonnaise anymore. Moreover, I’m willing to bet most people among that minority known as “mayo users” have opted for the low-fat or “light” mayonnaise by now and, in the process, have sacrificed flavor at the altar of health.

And then there’s MUSTARD, the condiment I have yet to hear someone belittle in public!

During the summer months, mustard is the condiment of choice on hot dogs at the ballpark and on hamburgers fresh off the backyard grill. Heck, you can leave a squeeze bottle of mustard outside in the sun for hours without worry of it “going bad” and poisoning all who consume it after arriving late for the company picnic or family reunion. No, mustard is safe!

That in mind, don’t you agree it’s time for mustard lovers — that’s you and me — to unite and show our support for this taken-for-granted condiment? Don’t you think it’s time we sponsor and participate in CINCO DE MUSTARD events at locations nationwide during the month of May? That’s what I thought!

So I contacted the folks at the Mount Horeb Mustard Museum and Mustard Store in Mount Horeb, Wisc., several months ago about staging counter-mayo events around the country. But they weren’t interested. Apparently, they’re more interested in making mustard a part of history than in making history with mustard.

I also tried, unsuccessfully I might add, to sell the idea to the folks behind the Napa Valley Mustard Festival, one of the world’s largest such events. The fact that their festival takes place during February and March should have given me a clue. So scared of the Mayo Lobby, those folks wouldn’t even schedule their festival during the Cinco De Mayo time frame. I can already hear them “wining” about this post.

If mustard lovers stand firm in our resolve, we can turn this thing around and make the first week of May a celebration of everything mustard. All it takes is faith the size of a mustard seed for people like us to realize the dream: MUSTARD WILL RULE!

If you share the faith, make a public demonstration of it by purchasing one of the fine CINCO DE MUSTARD items available in the The CINCO DE MUSTARD Shop.

One last thing: Make sure you tell your mustard-loving friends about The CINCO DE MUSTARD Shop and make sure you tell Bob McCarty Writes about any CINCO DE MUSTARD events in your area. Thanks in advance!

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[Editor's Note: In case you're wondering, the post above is fiction, for humor's sake. The merchandise, however, is real!]

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