Bob McCarty Writes

A headline, Working for a rat free D.C., from Examiner.com’s Washington, D.C., edition caught my eye today, because it made me think someone was pushing one of those grassroots efforts to “boot the bums out” or call for term limits on all members of Congress. Instead, the article provided an in-depth look at the four-legged-rodent type of rat. “Darn!” I thought, before realizing the article — using the same headline, but with a few minor changes — could be published as an exposé on DemocRATS who are members of Congress. So here’s my attempt, albeit fictitious, at that exposé:

Working for a DemocRAT-Free DC

They are among the District of Columbia’s most habitual offenders, indiscriminate thieves and vandals who plague DC’s fanciest neighborhoods, swankest hotels and five-star restaurants with equal insolence.

They are DemocRATS in Congress. They are black, white, red, yellow and brown rats — nocturnal dwellers, scurrying through the shadows, often overweight with chunky bodies and distinctive hairdos.

DemocRATS in Congress waste about a fifth of the world’s tax dollars each year and cater to more than 30 different special interests dangerous to other humans, from Planned Parenthood and the ACLU to EMILY’S List and the Open Society Institute.

Additionally, they are blamed for spreading toxic disgust for President George W. Bush, threatening to end to war funding and calling for a dangerous and misguided early withdrawal of troops from the Middle East — all actions that will likely destabilize the Middle East and, more importantly, cost the lives of even more patriotic U.S. service members.

And Washington is overrun by them, from Lafayette Park by the White House to construction sites by the Capitol. DemocRATS are in the alleys and garbage areas, the schools and the playgrounds, and often in homes and restaurants as well.

The Republican National Committee officials, and many thinking Americans, say they have had enough and have declared war on DemocRATS. Under an initiative called “Working for a DemocRAT-Free DC,” GOP officials are setting up a “community strike team” made up of staffers from conservative think tanks and pro-America organizations from both inside and outside the Beltway. The team is charged with responding to complaints and developing plans of attack. The program will target DemocRATS in both the House of Representatives and the Senate, according to Mike Duncan, RNC chair, in a GOP news release.

Duncan said those areas were chosen because of the large number of businesses and residents being impacted negatively by DemocRATS’ actions, adding that enough frustration has built up over the DemocRAT problem to change attitudes about how best to get rid of them.

“Concerned Americans were pointing fingers at the DemocRATS and the DemocRATS were pointing fingers right back at them,” Duncan said, adding that he has seen things worsen since DemocRATS became the majority in both the House and Senate via the 2006 mid-term elections.

GOP officials call the DemocRAT-Free DC program a “proactive” public outreach and educational campaign that they hope will cut down on the number of DemocRATS, including folks like Ted Kennedy, Robert Byrd and Barney Frank, who’ve been living off the public dole for so long.

“It’s a science. It requires more than just putting out press releases to be effective,” Duncan said. “It takes partnerships.”

As for the Republican Party, Duncan works under no illusion that the problem can be completely eradicated, no matter how well the party carries out its DemocRAT-Free DC program.

“DemocRATS are genius,” Duncan said. “They’ll be here after we leave.”

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[Editor's Note: Remember, the above post is satirical humor provided for the enjoyment of Bob McCarty Writes readers who, like me, can only wish something like this would happen for real. That, however, would require many Republicans in Washington, D.C., to grow spines. If you would like to support this albeit fictitious campaign, click here or click on the image shown above to visit the Working for a DemocRAT-Free DC shop.]

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