Bob McCarty Writes

Don’t you think it’s time to do away with a presidential election process that has candidates traveling all over the place, making the same speeches over and over, appearing on talk shows, raising hundreds of millions of dollars and selling their souls to the special interest groups with the most money? Time to do away with a system that spurs less than half of eligible voters to cast ballots? Let’s replace the current system with a new system modeled after today’s most popular television shows.First, we’ll replace the whole presidential primary process with a show we’ll call, Who Wants to be a President?

Modeled after the ABC show, Who Wants to be a Millionaire?, Who Wants to be a President? will make it possible for any legally-qualified person in this country to appear as a contestant on the show and compete for the opportunity to run for president.

From a group of ten prospective candidates at a time, the contestant who answers a fastest-finger question before anyone else will make it into “the hot seat” previously known as the presidential primary. Contestants who make it to the hot seat will sit across from host Regis Philbin and answer 15 multiple-choice questions — each a little harder than the one before — on topics ranging from foreign relations and military spending to healthcare and supermarket product pricing (correct answers here show if he’s “in touch” with the common man).

Each time a contestant answers a question correctly, he — or she — moves on to a more challenging question worth more votes. A contestant who needs help along the way will be offered three types of assistance, known as “lifelines”, before giving his “final” answers:

• A contestant can poll audience members;

• A contestant can ask to have the list of four possible answers narrowed down to two; and

• A contestant can phone a friend — if he has one.

Any contestant who answers the first 14 questions correctly will get the chance to answer one final question. If he gets that right, he wins a spot as a candidate on another program, American Idol: The Presidential Election Edition, during which American voters will be asked to judge each candidate’s performance and then cast his or her vote for the next president of the United States using a toll-free phone number or text message.

The candidate who receives the most votes becomes president of the United States, sworn in on the steps of the nation’s capitol during a ceremony broadcast worldwide on YouTube. There. Problem solved!

Note: The post above is a slightly-revised version of a Bob McCarty Writes post published Oct. 20, 2006. Comic strip above provided by SAM AND GMAN.