Bob McCarty Writes

Today, I learned that Spider-Man (a.k.a., “Peter Parker”) and Mary Jane had split up after more than 20 years of webbed bliss. Not buying the official explanation as it was reported in one news report, I dug through New York City Divorce Court records and found a copy of the petition in which Mary Jane listed her top five complaints about being married to the superhero:

#5 — Mary Jane grew tired of her husband’s obsession with building web sites in every room of the house where two walls and a ceiling met;

#4 – Mary Jane hated having to tell friends she was tied up and couldn’t go out when she was really stuck to one of her husband’s spider webs and couldn’t move;

#3 — Mary Jane despised having to remove spider web residue from the lint trap of their clothes dryer;

#2 — Mary Jane wanted her husband to sleep next to her in the bed instead of hanging from the ceiling above it; and, finally

#1 — It drove Mary Jane crazy when her husband cited Sir Walter Scott every time he suspected her of doing something behind his back (i.e., “Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!”).