Bob McCarty Writes

Please join me in observing a moment of silence — moment over — as I mark the passing of a dear friend, Java, shown at right during his percolating days. His death came as a shock to me as he was not even a year old when he died this morning at approximately 9:45 Central.

You might be wondering why I waited so long to report news of the loss of such a dear friend. Truth be told, I waited so long because I wanted to conduct a thorough inquest first. Now that I’ve completed the inquest, I’m ready to share with you, the loyal readers of my blog, my findings.

By examining Java on the island counter in my kitchen, I determined that Java’s death had come swiftly. In fact, the 12-cup coffeemaker upon which I had relied each and every morning during the past year for no fewer than three cups of fresh-brewed delight, had been stricken by Sudden Appliance Death Syndrome (SADS).

Though SADS strikes without warning, a number of tell-tale indicators should have tipped me off about Java’s impending doom:

Warning Sign #1 — A Black & Decker “tattoo” was visible on Java’s forehead;

Warning Sign #2 — When I looked at the underside of Java’s foot (i.e., the coffeemaker’s base), I found three words, Made in China, in raised plastic letters; and

Warning Sign #3 — Java had reached the end of his life expectancy (i.e., the one-year warranty covering this product had just expired).

[Note: If you know of a high-quality coffee maker made in the United States, please advise. And if you want to send one to me for a test-drive, I'd be more than happy to brag about it in this space -- if, that is, it lives up to the claims you make about it.]