Bob McCarty Writes

Skyrocketing gas prices are prompting many American families to reconsider their summer driving plans. Some will cancel their trips, while others will not let fuel costs slow them down. For those still trying to decide, I offer some never-before-publicized Money-Saving Tips for Driving Vacations for families with pre-teen kids:

• Drive only if you can do so with the wind at your back — You can even make this fun by working with your kids to make a driving song out of the words, “If the wind ain’t blowin’, we ain’t goin’”.

• Drive only to destinations you can reach by downhill driving — You’ll use very little gas while coasting downhill toward your destination.

• Drive only at night so that your kids fall asleep en route to your destination and remain oblivious to the fact that they’re spending their vacation so close to home — Everyone knows that kids hate spending “lame” vacations at destinations close to home.

• Put your family on a weight-loss regimen weeks ahead of travel time — Tell them that less time spent with a box of Twinkies® and a bag of Doritos® will yield better fuel economy and greater vacation-driving distances.

If none of the above tips seem viable for you and your family, you might try — AT YOUR OWN PERIL, I MUST ADD — one of these extreme savings options:

• Hitchhike between abandoned vehicles — After parking your family vehicle in a safe, out-of-site location near the highway that leads to your vacation destination, flag down a motorist whose vehicle has ample room to transport your entire family. Next, ask if he can drive you and your family down the road to your car (i.e., the first abandoned vehicle you encounter) so you can use the gas (in the red gas can you’re carrying) to fill it up where it ran out of gas earlier. Repeat as often as necessary to reach your destination and to return home.
  

• Remove unnecessary items from your vehicle — By removing unnecessary items from your vehicle, you can reduce weight and drag. By removing the front windshield and back window, you might accomplish both objectives. You will, of course, need to equip your family in advance with safety gear to protect them from bugs, flying rocks and other objects that might enter the vehicle through the space previously occupied by the front windshield.

[DISCLAIMER: The recommendations above are offered only in humor in jest, not intended to be taken seriously. Please, do not try any of these recommendations. If you really need to save money on your next driving vacation, I recommend you purchase a Will work for fuel t-shirt (left) well in advance of your vacation and use it to help you find a second or third job. The proceeds from that extra job can be used to earn extra money to cover the high costs of fuel as you venture off on your next vacation.]