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Barack Obama at Home on 50-Yard Line

August 28th, 2008 · 2 Comments

Democrat Barack Obama should feel at home tonight when he speaks to the nation from Denver’s Invesco Field at Mile High Stadium.   After all, he’ll deliver his nomination acceptance speech from behind a podium on the 50-yard line.  And that should benefit his opponent, Republican John McCain, if he takes my advice.

How do I know Obama will be comfortable at the 50-yard line?  Because I speak from personal experience in both football and politics.

FOOTBALL

As a four-year starting quarterback whose career ended almost before it began (in ninth grade), I became familiar with all aspects of the gridiron.  Below is all one needs to know about the 50-yard line from a purely-football perspective for purposes of this article:

Also known as the “midfield stripe,” the 50-yard line runs from one sideline to the other and serves as the halfway point between end zones 100 yards apart.  In a football game, a team can score points only by moving his team into the end zone — or, at a minimum, into field goal range.  To do that, a team must move the ball past the 50-yard line, usually within 40 yards of the end zone.

POLITICS

Some 15 years later, I became familiar with the ins and outs of the political game as manager for back-to-back campaigns for candidates in Oklahoma who were seeking seats in the U.S. House of Representatives.  Below is all one needs to know about the 50-yard line from a purely-political perspective for purposes of this article:

A candidate’s stance on a particular issue can have a tremendous impact on the outcome of an election. When a candidate takes a position on an issue, he risks ostracizing voters who do not agree with him on that position.  When a candidate refuses to take a position on an issue, he risks creating doubt among voters on both sides of the issue; moreover, he risks losing the election.

OBAMA’S ‘PRESENT’

According to The Wall Street Journal, Obama has a long track record of not taking a stand on weighty issues of the day.  While serving as a state legislator in Illinois, he cast votes of “Present” on 130 occasions instead of voting up or down on issues.

Thinking politically, he likely reasoned that he could prevent others from being able to tie him to particular positions on controversial issues, thus keeping more viable his long-term political future.  In football parlance, however, “Quarterback Obama” spiked the ball despite the fact that there was a lot of time left on the clock.

MY ADVICE FOR JOHN McCAIN

If I was running the McCain campaign, I would have a new campaign commercial ready to go tonight, moments after the junior senator from Illinois concludes his speech.

The spot would feature video showing a birds-eye view of an empty Invesco Field — minus the stage and props constructed for the acceptance speech.  The video would be accompanied by a voiceover exchange involving two sports broadcasters in a conversation about whether or not Obama is a questionable draft pick:

Broadcaster #1:  “Joe, I don’t know why Team America, the best team in the world, would select this guy to play quarterback.”

Broadcaster #2:  “You’re right, Jack.  His track record shows what appears to be an unwillingness to move the ball down field.”

Broadcaster #1: “The last thing Team America needs when it takes the field is a quarterback who can’t get the ball past the 50-yard line.”

The spot would, of course, end with the necessary disclaimer:  “I’m John McCain, and I approved this message.”

The ad will work and, therefore, should be aired day and night — especially during pro and college football games this fall.  In the end, voters will choose McCain and “Team America” will win the game.

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2 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Local Warlord // Aug 29, 2008 at 7:54 pm

    Barack may be the pre-season favorite, and he had a second victory celebration in Denver after the earlier celebration in Berlin.

    Midfield is the place for the half-time shows , and not victory celebrations.

    Obama already had one victory celebration in Berlin. It was at the the Victory Column that the Prussians built to commemorate their win over the Danes in the Super Bowl of 1863. The Prussians won the trophy handily and also a lot of black and white dairy cattle and the land upon which they grazed.

    Barack should have been aware that the Prussians built the column only after they won the Super Bowl, not before it even happened. Evidently they were hard-up for building materials and labor, as building the column took about ten years, and by then the Prussians had also whipped the Gauls in the Super Bowls of 1871 and 1872. They not only won the trophy and rings, but they were awarded possession of two members of the Gaul’s cheerleading squad — Alice and Lorraine, also known as Elsa and Lothringen.

    After that the Unified Prussians won some minor league victories in Africa and elsewhere, but in first half of the Twentieth Century they lost twice in World Series to the Yankees, who had a better farm team system. Alas, even the Chicago Cubs have had a better World Series record.

    Now come Barack Hussein Obama claiming he has already won the next Super Bowl. Part of his reasoning is that because he was only candidate to have ads at the last Super Bowl, therefore he has won by default.

    He acts as though he has already won the Super Bowl , even though it is still the pre-season, sort of like the New England Patriots. Hey, Obama, remember the Super Bowl Game you advertised in — the favorite lost .

    ————————————————–
    Parable of the Spiked Ball.

    – A star running back or receiver has the ball and is in the clear to run for a long touchdown untouched. But wait — what — he spikes the ball before he reaches the 50-yard line and his teamates rush to congratulate him and give him high fives, chest bumps and fist bumps, they goes into joyful and gay celebration mode, their families join in. But wait — the ball is on the ground at midfield. The opposing team picks up the ball and takes it to the other end zone for a touchdown before they spike the ball and celebrate winning the game.

    That talented ball carrier had the audacity to hope the other team would just stand around dazed until his team finished their celebration, and then they could pick up the ball and score and celebrate all over again. That foolish ball carrier was wrong. The opposing team has already picked up the ball and scored.

    Obama already spiked the football, not volleyball, in Berlin, and he wasn’t even at midfield. That doesn’t say much for his experience, his wisdom, or his judgement. Nor does it reflect favorably on his coaches or handlers or whatever.

  • 2 hotoffthepress2 // Aug 29, 2008 at 8:13 pm

    Thanks for the insight, Local. Good stuff!

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