I came across news this morning that four tree-sitting protesters at the University of California-Berkeley would stop receiving food, water or other supplies from university officials after 9 a.m. Pacific this morning. That news prompted me to ask myself, “What would Sarah Palin do to resolve the situation in an efficient and cost-effective way manner?”
As a starting point, I think John McCain‘s running mate would strive to learn quickly as much as she could about the situation. She would learn the following:
- Nearly two years ago, the university set out to construct a new athletic complex at the site of a tree grove on the university campus;
- Tree-hugging protesters didn’t like the idea of a new athletic complex being built on the site, so they decided to wage a protest;
- The protesters have been perched in a redwood tree on the campus for some 21 months;
- The university estimates it has spent at least $750,000 for security and police protection during the nearly two-year protest; and
- Delays have added at least an extra $20 million in construction costs to the $125-million project.
Next, as a courtesy, Palin would convene a conference call with campus safety, health and security officials and ask them for their recommendations to end the standoff. Unfortunately, as she likely expected, she would receive no worthwhile input from those campus officials.
Finally, Palin would, as usual, opt to trust her gut instinct and issue a news release. The news release would garner worldwide media attention as it announces the launch of four new eBay auctions, each of which will award to the highest bidder the right to shoot down one of the four tree-sitting protesters — using tranquilizer darts, of course.
By following Palin‘s plan, UC-Berkeley officials would not only be able to proceed with construction, but they would likely recoup the money lost to delays — and possibly more — via the online auction. After all, there must be at least four wealthy hunters on the planet, each of whom would be willing to pay millions for the opportunity to tell their hunting buddies they “downed” a tree-hugging liberal with one good shot.
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EDITOR’S NOTE: Decisive actions like the ones described above lead me to create the hot-selling MY PIT BULL WEARS LIPSTICK! line of merchandise. To get yours, click here.
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SEE ALSO: A reader over at American Thinker suggested this video offered an alternative — but not altogether different — method for having brought down the tree sitters.
5 responses so far ↓
1 sam*i*am // Sep 8, 2008 at 12:50 pm
i don’t know about palin’s response but i would cut the trees down with those idiots in them. what were they thinking ? sending supplies to these dimwits? posting security to protect them? geez. this could have been over a lot sooner if the Univ. had just let natural selection take its course and refused to provide food and water for those pinheads.
2 hotoffthepress2 // Sep 8, 2008 at 12:54 pm
sam*i*am — I agree that it was a waste to spend so much money caring and feeding the protesters, but there’s something very appealing about the thought of generating revenue through an eBay auction and tranquilizer shoot.
3 sam*i*am // Sep 8, 2008 at 1:40 pm
my basic problem with that idea is that i could never afford to win the auction. dammit.
4 Jim // Dec 23, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Wow, what a journalistic gem we have in this incredibly insightful article! I think it is truly amazing that the left constanty cries and wails about unfair treatment and wanting tolerance and free speech, and yet whenever a conservative dares to run for any office, they are immediately criticized and ridiculed for no other reason than thier differing perspective from the “politcally correct” view.
I don’t seem to recall similar attacks against Geraldine Ferraro when she ran for Vice President. It’s amazing how conservative women and blacks can be mercilessly attacked and savaged by the media, hung in effigy, and slandered and it’s ok.
Hey Bob! How about showing some of that tolerance that you liberals are inexplicably famous for? Oh that’s right, tolerance is only for those who agree with you. After all why debate on the merits of your argument when you can insult someone instead? I forgot, your arguments have no merits, they are based on emotional feel-goodism, not logic.
The University is expanding and building which provides jobs to hundreds if not thousands of Bay Area workers as well as to provide more educational opportunities for thousands of students.
Isn’t the left always screaming about more employment and better education? Are Universities supposed to magically appear from nowhere? Perhaps education by osmosis?
The bottom line is that Sarah Palin is the most popular governor in the United States for a reason and that fact that is drives leftists like you insane only proves to me that she is doing a great job. After all, if she was incompetent and ineffective, why would you spend so much time trying to tear her down?
5 hotoffthepress2 // Dec 23, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Jim — Apparently, you’re an idiot who blindly posts comments without reading the posts first.
For example, consider the paragraph in which I wrote the following: By following Palin’s plan, UC-Berkeley officials would not only be able to proceed with construction, but they would likely recoup the money lost to delays — and possibly more — via the online auction. After all, there must be at least four wealthy hunters on the planet, each of whom would be willing to pay millions for the opportunity to tell their hunting buddies they “downed” a tree-hugging liberal with one good shot.
Second, consider the fact that I included a link to my pro-Sarah Palin line of t-shirts at the bottom of the post above.
Third, wake up and smell the coffee! Read my blog! I’M AS RIGHT-WING AS THEY GET!
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