Bob McCarty Writes

My fellow Americans, I implore you to heed this advice:  Before casting a vote for president Nov. 4, listen to “The Poll Whisperer.”

The Poll Whisperer speaks to you from somewhere deep inside your head, in a voice that only you can hear.  He speaks to you at the moment you consider each vote you’re about to cast.

Whether you cast your vote via absentee ballot or in person, early or on the day of the election, at the election board office or at one of the designated polling places in your neighborhood, The Poll Whisperer will be there with you.

The Poll Whisperer has the ability to decipher complex campaign promises and convoluted political rhetoric and present them to voters in a uniquely simple manner that even a liberal voter can understand.

At each polling place, The Poll Whisperer assists voters who find themselves confused and on the verge of succumbing to empty messages of “Hope” and “Change.” By listening to and acting upon advice they receive from The Poll Whisperer, voters will be empowered to see the light, embodied in candidates who support the right to life, lower taxes and the right to bear arms as well as free markets, religious freedom and a strong national defense.

Voters who listen to The Poll Whisperer and respond appropriately to its guidance reportedly experience profound peace and joy — a crossing over, of sorts — upon leaving their polling places, free from the darkness of liberal thinking.  Some, in fact, begin to refer to themselves as conservatives within moments of casting their ballots.

Again, I implore you:  Listen to The Poll Whisperer!