Bob McCarty Writes

I’m not a big fan of Halloween, but I have some advice for those of you who expect to take part in the costume- and candy-intensive ritual this year.   Make the most of it!  Why?  Because Halloween 2009 will serve as a teachable moment about socialism if Barack Obama becomes the nation’s 44th president.

In much the same way as the Democratic Party presidential nominee told Samuel “Joe the Plumber” Wurzelbacher he planned to raise his taxes in order to “spread the wealth around,” I fully expect that President Obama — it hurts just to use those words together — will levy a tax of sorts on children who take the initiative to get a little exercise and go door to door in search of crunchy, chewy, sweet, sour, gooey, yummy treats.

Here’s how I imagine such a tax will be levied:

• After all of the treats have been collected at the end of the night, I suspect President Obama will require all children to bring their booty to central collection locations in their communities.  There, government contractors — most likely ACORN workers who need work between elections — will collect the candy from the children and record their names and contact information for future use.

• Once all of the candy has been collected from the children in a designated geographic area, ACORN workers will count the pieces of candy and begin the process of dividing it equally among the total number of children in the area, according to Census Bureau estimates.

• After counting and dividing the treats, ACORN workers will attempt to contact children in the area — not just the ones who collected candy on Halloween night, but all children in the area, including the ones who stayed home that night.

• Children will be advised to report to the locations where they had dropped off their Halloween night hauls earlier.  There, each child will be able to pick up their “fair” share of all the now-stale candy collected 12 weeks earlier.

Your children will think it’s unfair that they did all the work but don’t get to reap the full rewards of their efforts.  After you finish wiping their tears, you can use the occasion as a teachable moment and tell your children what they just experienced is an example of how socialism works (i.e., President Obama likes to “spread the candy around“).  Then they’ll understand.

* * *

UPDATE 10/28/08 1:40 p.m. — A Rush Limbaugh caller mentioned such a concept on his show.