Bob McCarty Writes

Many people are wondering how the so-called “health care reform plan” (a.k.a., “ObamaCare”) now under consideration by Congress might impact health care delivery in the future.  A copy of an undated  memo spirited out of the White House by an anonymous source provides a glimpse.

MEMO

From: David Axelrod

Subj: Health Care Ideas

To: President Barack Obama

Boss,

Below are a handful of ideas I think we can employ once we get hold of the health care machine.  Let me know what you think about ‘em.

Forever loyal,

Axe

• Use Polaroid instant camera technology in place of x-rays, MRIs and PET scans. We can save thousands of dollars per patient and put thousands of Polaroid employees (i.e., the ones who lost their jobs as a result of the company’s two recent bankruptcy filings) back to work.

YES   NO (circle one)

• Replace expensive gel breast implants with chicken breasts. As a means of lowering costs of breast-implant surgery procedures, we can ask Tyson Foods to partner with Dow Corning to develop a new, boneless chicken breast that mimics the shape of a woman’s breast.

YES   NO (circle one)

• Next-generation wooden legs. We can ask Louisville-based Hillerich & Bradsby to work with Scott Sabolich, one of the world’s leading prosthetics experts, to develop a next-generation wooden leg — the Louisville Legger®.  As soon as some professional ball players have lost legs, we can begin offering autographed versions for a small fee.

YES   NO (circle one)

• “Rubber-Eyes America.” Glass eyes simply cost too much, so let’s start using rubber eyes that are dirt cheap.  To boost employment among our base, the eyes can feature designs provided by artists commissioned by the National Endowment for the Arts.

YES   NO (circle one)

• Replace pharmacists with vending machines. Patients simply go to a pharmacy wall, enter the code for the medicine they need and enter their credit card number and, voila, little bottles drop down and fill with pills.

YES   NO (circle one)

MEMO