Bob McCarty Writes

A relative of mine had an experience in the world of medicine during the past week that seemed worthy of sharing.

After having a “nuclear stress test” done on a Tuesday, he had to go back to the stress-test doctor’s office to get a note from the doctor to explain why he was radiating.  Because my relative was due to travel overseas soon, getting the note seemed quite important to him.

I would like to be able to say I’m sharing the story below as an example of what government-run health care (a.k.a., “ObamaCare”) might be like.  Instead, it’s simply an example of poor customer service in a medical setting.

The story begins below with my relative (“The Patient”) at the doctor’s office where he had the nerve to ask his doctor’s assistant (“SHE ONE”) if his results were available yet:

“When did you take the test, Tuesday?” SHE ONE replied.

“Yes, on Tuesday,” the patient said.

“Then they’re not back yet,” said SHE ONE, causing patient to wonder, “How would she know if she didn’t look?  And if she knew from experience, why did the other ding-a-ling behind the counter with her (“SHE TWO”) tell me when I left on Tuesday to check back on Friday.  One of them is a know-it-all, huh?”

SHE ONE went to get patient his note and, when she returned, told patient, “You really don’t need the card because it’s been long enough” before handing him the card anyway.

“Why do some people feel like slapping you just before they help you?” the patient asked himself.  “I didn’t even know the card existed until they told me they’d give me one.  Heck, after THEY forgot to give the card to me when I left the office three days earlier, I figured I’d be a good soldier and go get what we both forgot  Live and learn.”

The story continues.

“Since the results aren’t in, could you mail them to me – email or snail mail,” the patient asked SHE ONE.

SHE ONE shrugged her shoulders and turned to confer with her fellow customer-unfriendly twit, SHE TWO.

“No – we are not allowed,” said SHE TWO.

“I’ll be out of the country for the next few months,” the patient explained, “so how will you notify me of the results?”

“We will only notify you if there is bad news,” said SHE TWO.

“OK, well I would prefer you let me know,” the patient explained, “because I won’t know if I’ve just missed a call or not as I won’t be at my home.”

“That’s OUR SYSTEM – that’s just the way we do it,” SHE TWO replied.

“Well, it’s not a very comforting system, since I won’t know whether you tried to call or whether something fell through the cracks,” the patient responded.

“We have a SYSTEM,” said SHE TWO.

“And some systems fail,” the patient said.  “I’m just asking that you contact me regardless.”

“That’s not what the doctor DOES; it’s the way HE does it,” said SHE TWO.  “But if YOU want to call US, feel free.”

“So that’s it.  Wonderful,” said the patient.

Snide looks abound.

It occurs to the patient that he and his insurance company are asked to pay $1,500 to complete a test and, if the results turn out to be normal, will hear nothing back from the doctor unless the patient calls the doctor’s office.

After some deliberation, the patient decided what he will do when he receives the bill from the doctor and is asked to pay his portion of the $1,500, — most likely, 10 percent.  He will send the doctor a reply that says the following:

“It’s my policy not to pay for things until I get the results.  So I authorize YOU to send me an email with the results and once they’re received, I’ll send you a check for those results. Quid pro quo.  In the mean time, I have no other means of knowing that any work was accomplished on my behalf.”  AND THAT is HOW I DO IT.”

That’s all, Doc!