It’s time, once again, to issue my call for Cinco de Mayo celebrations to be replaced by something more American: CINCO DE MUSTARD.
Why is it important to me that we replace a Mexico-centric holiday with one that is more American? One reason tops them all:
Cinco de Mayo celebrates the legendary Battle of Puebla May 5, 1862, in which a Mexican force of 4,500 men faced 6,000 well-trained French soldiers. The battle lasted four hours and ended in a victory for the Mexican army under Gen. Ignacio Zaragoza. Along with Mexican Independence Day on Sept. 16, Cinco de Mayo has become a time to celebrate Mexican heritage and culture.
Get my point? Promotion of a holiday celebrating Mexican heritage and culture seems absurd, especially when one considers the fact that our neighbor to the south stands as one of the most-violent nations on the planet. According to an El Paso Times report published yesterday, drug violence has left some 8,000 people dead in Mexico since 2008.
If violence is not reason enough for ending — or, at a minimum, suspending for a few years — our nation’s love affair with Cinco de Mayo, consider this: mustard is more American than mayonnaise [Note: I know, Cinco de Mayo has nothing to do with the pasty-white condiment, but play along with me, okay?]
While the United States is home to a National Mustard Museum in Middleton, Wisc., I could find no evidence of the existence of a mayonnaise museum. It’s only a dream of one lady in Buffalo.
Though one of the biggest celebrations of all things mustard — the Napa Valley Mustard Festival — takes place every year in Napa Valley, Calif., I could find no evidence of any national mayonnaise festival. In fact, all I could find was a suspicious-looking three-years-old Facebook page for something called, Stephen Colbert’s Smooth Jazz and Mayonnaise Festival.
That settles it!
If you oppose celebrating Mexican heritage and culture at a time when violence is raging out of control in that country, embrace CINCO DE MUSTARD instead!
With a CINCO DE MUSTARD t-shirt like the one shown at right, you can join me in waging a peaceful protest against the government of Mexico and against the flow of illegal immigration across our southern border.
Celebrate CINCO DE MUSTARD — instead of Cinco de Mayo — May 5!
[NOTE TO RESTAURANT OWNERS: Stand out from the crowd by selling mustard-friendly foods, such as hamburgers and hot dogs instead of tacos, burritos and the like.]
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2 responses so far ↓
1 Erin // Apr 20, 2011 at 11:37 am
I couldn’t agree with you more. It’s crazy that americans continue to celebrate this non-american “holiday” especially since at the time of that battle we were knee deep in our own civil war thus were not able to lend troops to assist them. Granted that battle was temporarily won-however it was short lived-then the French took over for more than 5 yrs. There are plenty of events that happened in the U.S that could replace the Cinco de Mayo celebrations.
2 Bungalow Bill // Apr 30, 2011 at 10:41 am
Linked to you with some of my ideas for Cinco De Mayo.
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