Seven years ago today, I shared a piece under the headline, Few Differences Between Somali, Domestic Pirates. Little did I realize how much I’d miss those Somali pirates after they were replaced on the world stage by new dogs known as ISIS.
On Nov. 18, 2008, I wrote:
Regardless of where they sleep — or don’t sleep — at night, modern-day pirates seem to be receiving a lot of attention of late. Perhaps their notoriety stems from the fact that they share so much in common.
Sea-loving lowlifes can be found hijacking ships off the coast of the lawless Puntland region of northeastern Somalia” and pointed to examples of their latest work:
• On Sept. 27, the Somali pirates seized a cargo ship containing 33 Russian T-72 battle tanks bound for Kenya. Though nearly two months have passed since its capture, the ship and its prized contents remain in the hands of the pirates, birthed alongside 11 other illegally-seized ships.
• Some two weeks later, the Somali pirates nabbed an Iranian vessel carrying what was later determined to be a floating “dirty bomb” headed for the Israeli coast. It was recovered — but only after 16 pirates died from burns suffered as a result of their proximity to the vessel’s radioactive cargo.
• Over the weekend, the Somali pirates hijacked what has been described as the largest “booty” ever seized by marauders at sea — a Saudi oil tanker carrying $100 million of “black gold.”
Conversely, land-lubbing pirates can be found wearing silk and wool suits while walking the halls of government in our nation’s capital, promoting a massive bailout of the financial industry by the federal government (a.k.a., “taxpayers”):
• Two months ago, domestic pirates tossed about problem-solving figures that ranged from $700 billion to $1 trillion — or, by some estimates, an estimated $6,500 per family. After much rhetoric was exchanged, they passed a two-phased bailout package — $350 billion per phase. Pirates voting in favor of the measure reconciled their actions by claiming that “doing nothing was not an option.” Soon after, they began feigning surprise over the fact that the people they put in charge of the money can’t tell us where they’ve spent it.
• Today, the same pirates, led by Chief Gangplankster Harry Reid (D-Nev.) are holding meetings to discuss the matter of a proposed $50 billion bailout of the nation’s domestic automobile industry. That industry, by the way, is one many of the pirates say is “too big to fail.” Apparently, their financial illiteracy prevents them from reading articles on the subject — like this one by George Will — that explain in precise detail that the industry has failed.
Obviously, both groups of pirates are keen on taking advantage of opportunities in order to realize their own twisted versions of success. My worry, however, is that the pirates in Washington will, one day too soon, pass what might be described as a piece of ‘dirty bomb’ legislation that blows up on in the faces of all Americans.
Seven years later, Somali pirates have been replaced by ISIS fighters, but the ranks of our domestic pirates have seen only minor leadership changes (i.e., Paul Ryan replace John Boehner as speaker of the House and Mitch McConnell took the Senate gavel from Harry Reid). And, as for so-called “dirty bomb” pieces of legislation,” we’ve seen plenty of ’em blow up in our faces.
Hope you sleep well tonight, mate!
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