Political Attacks, Recalls Spur New Web Sites

Current events often lead to the establishment of new web sites which beg commentary. Such is the case with two sites I stumbled upon today.

Hillary Attacks

HILLARY ATTACKS is the name of a web site launched by the Barack Obama campaign. While it’s name reminds me of the 1996 movie, Mars Attacks, it is purely political in nature. On the site, the Obama folks quote Hillary Clinton as saying, “I’m not interested in attacking my opponents, I’m interested in attacking the problems of America…” less than one month ago. They follow by highlighting her hypocrisy in two one-liners:

Days since Senator Clinton promised she was not interested in attacking Democrats: 23

Days that Senator Clinton has spent attacking Democrats since making that promise: 19

Confetti BurstRECALLS.gov was established as a result of a rash of recalls of products made in China. Most recently, the Consumer Products Safety Commission issued a recall notice on some 60,000 bags of confetti distributed by American Greetings Corp. Apparently, Americans are prone to licking and/or eating confetti (yeah, right!) and, as a result, must be protected from it by their government.

“Americans demand top-quality service from the private sector,” said President George W. Bush in conjunction with the web site going online. “They should get the same top-quality service from their government.”

Bush wanted to say something stronger but didn’t feel like he could risk upsetting China’s leaders. Otherwise, he might have said something like this:

“Those darned Chinese are sending poison toys, deadly dog food and who knows what else to this country, so we set up this site to make sure no one dies because of ‘em. When we have to worry about the safety of confetti at our New Year’s Eve parties, things have gone too far!”

Gore Cult Encourages Darkness ‘Down Under’

Proof that Rev. Al Gore’s global warming ministry, known as The Warmin’ Church, is engaged in dark worship practices emerged today in Sydney, Australia.

According to one news report, an estimated 2,000 businesses and 60,000 individuals — all followers of the former vice president-turned eco-spiritual leader — participated in an event during which the iconic Sydney Opera House’s white-shelled roof and many of the non-essential lights in Australia’s largest city were darkened.

This attempt to “register concern about global warming” went beyond darkness, however, as seminars were held and films were shown at venues throughout the city.

Bob McCarty Writes heard from one Aussie, who declined to identify himself, that free copies of Reverend Gore’s book, The Warmin’ Church Book of Warmin’, were distributed to people at a number of darkness-related events where global warming theology classes were conducted by candlelight.

Unfortunately, thousands of those books were destroyed by participants who used the pages as kindling to light small campfires for warmth as they watched public showings of a Gore-produced faith-based documentary, The Inconvenient Truth Shall Set You Free!, which is due for worldwide theatrical release in the fall.

Reverend Gore could not be reached for comment, but he did make available merchandise bearing the likenesses of both the logo of The Warmin’ Church and the cover of The Warmin’ Church Book of Warmin’. To see and/or order merchandise, simply click on any of the Warmin’ links or images shown above.

Ahmadinejad ‘Milks’ Homemade Hostage Crisis

An Associated Press report out of Tehran today leads this blogger to believe Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is going to milk this homemade hostage crisis for all it’s worth, virtually terrorizing Britons and their Western Allies for weeks to come. The substance of the report appears below:

TEHRAN, Iran (AP)
Iran’s ambassador to Russia renewed a threat Iranian officials made earlier this week, saying 15 British sailors held by Iran could be tried for violating international law, Iran’s state news agency IRNA reported Saturday.

Word to the wise: When you sail into or near Iranian waters, beware of the fish…

Sportswriter Wolff Joins Global Warming Crowd

A recent Alexander Wolff article in SI.com begins with the two paragraphs below:

The next time a ball game gets rained out during the September stretch run, you can curse the momentary worthlessness of those tickets in your pocket. Or you can wonder why it got rained out — and ask yourself why practice had to be called off last summer on a day when there wasn’t a cloud in the sky; and why that Gulf Coast wharf where you used to reel in mackerel and flounder no longer exists; and why it’s been more than one winter since you pulled those titanium skis out of the garage.

Global warming is not coming; it is here. Greenhouse gases — most notably carbon dioxide produced by burning coal, oil and gas — are trapping solar heat that once escaped from the Earth’s atmosphere. As temperatures around the globe increase, oceans are warming, fields are drying up, snow is melting, more rain is falling, and sea levels are rising.

It is not until the fourth paragraph that Wolff, a well-known sportswriter and author of several sports-related books, attributes any of his assertions about global warming to a source. At that point, unfortunately, he cites only one source, a University of Arizona web site. Through the remainder of the article, he describes how sports will be impacted by the effects of climate change that seem to have been lifted from the script of Al Gore’s fear-mongering movie, an inconvenient truth.

If, as a young sportswriter, Wolff had written about sports in the same manner as he now writes about global warming, I doubt that he would have reached such the lofty rung on the ladder of sports journalism upon which he now stands.

I would like to think Wolff was pressured by his bosses at SI.com (a CNN/Sports Illustrated venture owned by Time Warner), but I’m afraid he’s just another sheep who’s bought into the whole global warming alarmism.

AFP: ‘Russian Died For Knowledge of Arms Deals’

In a post early today, Bob McCarty Writes reported about the increasing number of Russians and non-Russians — most journalists — meeting untimely deaths after speaking out against the regime of former KGB leader-turned Russian President Vladimir Putin. Now, thanks to an Agence France Press article, we now know why the most recent death likely occurred.

According to AFP sources, reporter Ivan Safronov had told colleagues at his newspaper, Kommersant, that he had “received information” about the sale of Sukhoi-34 fighter jets to Syria and S-300 anti-aircraft missiles to Iran via Belarus.

In the United States, a lot of people understand the statement, “Freedom isn’t free.” Now, thanks to Putin, many Russians who are trying to bring freedom to their country are learning the meaning of those words, paying the ultimate price.

Al-Qaeda Business Publication Revealed

EDITOR’S NOTE:  Six years after publishing this post, it appears I predicted Al Gore’s future in reverse. I feature it here today after news broke that Al-Jazeera will buy Gore’s Current TV.

(SAINT LOUIS) — Bob McCarty Writes has obtained an exclusive copy of an Al-Qaeda publication unnamed U.S. intelligence sources say has never before been seen in the West.

A copy of Al-Qaeda Business Opportunities Monthly, translated into English, was delivered to the offices of Bob McCarty Writes yesterday.

At first glance, the publication resembles typical U.S. business publications.A closer look, however, reveals the sinister side of this form of terror journalism that operates under the masthead slogan, “Taking extremism ‘Allah’ the way to the bank!”

For instance, while no publication date appears on the cover – presumably to maintain secrecy among followers of Al-Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden – a telling statement appears – “Published and distributed five times a day in Baghdad, Beirut, Kabul and Damascus” – under the masthead along with a toll-free number Muslims can call in order to subscribe.

Darker still is the subject matter of Al-Qaeda BOM, a publication intelligence sources say is referred to in Middle East business circles as “The Bomb.”’

The headline story of the issue provided Bob McCarty Writes breaks the news of former vice president Al Gore’s purchase and renaming of Al-Jazeera, the Arab news network famous for airing sometimes-gruesome and always threatening videotapes received from Bin Laden and other terrorists. The new name of the network? Al-Gore-Zeera.

In the article, Bin Laden is quoted as imploring his followers to subscribe to the network now bearing Gore’s imprint, “Call your cable providers! Demand Al-Gore-Zeera! If they don’t provide it, blow them up!”

Another story reveals that Hurts© Rental Car-Bombs, a car rental agency-turned terrorist munitions supplier, reported a rise in same-store profits at all 12 of its Middle East locations.In addition, the story cites company officials as saying they have plans to expand their operations to the United States, Great Britain and other Western countries.

Following the headline, Build-A-Bomb Workshop Tickets Still Available, readers find out that Bin Laden is not only holding five-day bomb-making workshops at locations across the Middle East, Europe and New York City, but he’s offering “I SURVIVED!” t-shirts to students who graduate from the course.

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[Editor's Note: In case you're wondering, the post above is fiction, for humor's sake.]

Author Exposes ‘Sheik-Down’ of U.S. Culture

(DEARBORN, MICH.) – Muslim extremist efforts to undermine Western culture actually began as many as six decades ago, according to one academic who has studied Muslim culture in the U.S. for more than 50 years.

“Many believe the Muslim surge into the West began in earnest following the first Gulf War of the early 1990s,” said Wilbur Wilburn, author of a just-released White Paper, Close the Deal With a Handsheik. “A close examination of the available evidence shows such efforts find their roots in American pop culture as far back as the 1950s when rock and roll music and fast food were in their infancy.”

Wilburn cites Big Joe Turner’s 1954 recording of the song, Sheik, Rattle and Roll, and Jerry Lee Lewis’ 1957 recording of Whole Lot of Sheik’n Goin’ On as turning points in what he calls the “Muslim War on the West.” During those same years, he said, there was no drink more popular among teens than the Milk Sheik.

“As our children grew accustomed to listening to sheik-friendly music on the radio, Muslim extremists shifted their focus to America’s kitchens,” Wilburn explained. “In 1965, Muslim-backed Sheik ‘n’ Bake products were introduced to Americans families in an effort to offset the just-born feminist movement and keep women in their traditional roles as housewives.

“While that turned out to be a good thing, the Muslim’s next effort did not,” he said. That next effort – the Muslim’s last and most-blatant by far – sought to influence American culture in a big way.

“In 1976, KC and the Sunshine Band recorded the hit song, (Sheik, Sheik, Sheik) Sheik Your Booty,” Wilburn said. “While the song became the group’s third number-one hit on the Billboard Hot 100, it will be recorded in the history books for other-than-musical reasons – that is, it stands as the most successful Muslim effort to introduce the word, sheik, into the American vernacular.”

While Wilburn would not be specific about future Muslim outreach efforts in general, he did confirm that a television show – shooting under the working title, Sheik or No Sheik – is in production at this time by a film production company with close ties to Al-Gore-Zeera.

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Note: The story above is fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as satire, parody or spoof.