As of today, more than 500 candidates — many more than the nation’s major news outlets are telling you about in articles like this one and this one — have filed the Federal Election Commission paperwork necessary to run for president of the United States. Included among them are some very colorful characters as well as several top names who are not eligible to serve. Below, I offer a glimpse of some of those male and female candidates from across the political spectrum who have, for the most part, remained off the radar of most Americans.
On the homepage of her website, Isis M. Elijah describes herself as an author and poet who is “an African American female Republican candidate for United States President 2016” In addition, she claims to be “the biological daughter of 42nd U.S. President Bill Clinton & Billionaire Oprah Winfrey” and states she has resided in Akron, Ohio, since 1989. Read her FEC Form 2.
On his FEC Form 2, David Edward Baucom Jr. lists a Charlotte, N.C., address. Beyond that, online information about him was difficult to locate. I did, however, find news about a strip club mogul, David “Slim” Baucom, who got Charlotte’s mayor in trouble for accepting bribes. I could not, however, determine whether or not the man running for president as a Republican is related to the man running strip clubs.
The Bull Moose Party‘s Sgt. Hugh Walker has big plans, according to an April 19 letter he submitted to the editor of the Inland Valley Daily Bulletin in Ontario, Calif. They include building four “super hospital ships” to be staffed by doctors, nurses and technicians who graduate from the U.S. Navy Medical Academy, the building of which is also part of his plan if elected. I wonder if the man from Upland, Calif., knows anything about building fences? Read his FEC Form 2.
Jack Sparrow of Lincoln City, Ore., is running for office as an independent candidate. Apparently, the Republican and Democrat Parties already have enough pirates. Read his FEC Form 2.
Libertarian Dennis Roger Torii Jr. has big plans for the nation if elected. The Army veteran and inventor from St. Cloud, Fla., plans to expand the nation’s borders southward to include Panama and northward to include Canada and Japan. Think Louisiana Purchase on steroids. Read his FEC Form 2.
Independent Michelle “Hope” Walker hopes the messages she shares in her videos will convince you to vote for her so she can move out of her Los Angeles apartment and into the White House. Read her FEC Form 2.
According to his website, which describes him as an author, scientist and “independent presidential candidate in 2012,” Harry Braun III lists himself as a Democrat on the FEC Form 2 he submitted May 15, 2015. If elected in 2016, he says he’s going to “implement Democracy in the USA and a Solar Hydrogen Economy with wartime-speed.” Whatever that means.
The list of presidential candidates also includes a Rodeo cowboy, an entrepreneur, a conspiracy theorist, a Navy vet who sued the Secretary of Veterans Affairs and an atheist Democrat who traveled from West Virginia to Ohio for a Jimmy Carter book-signing event. News about the latter brings two words to mind: nut and peanut.
It also includes a candidate named Limberbutt McCubbins. Though this cat from Louisville, Ky., has no political track record or qualifications, I think he’s as qualified as any of his fellow Democrats to run. You be the judge by looking at his FEC Form 2.
While I plan to share news about other candidates in the race — including doctors, lawyers, teachers and pure lunatics — in a future article, you’ll need to visit this page to see them all now.
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