Tag Archives: pirate

Somali Pirates Replaced by New Dogs Known as ISIS

Seven years ago today, I shared a piece under the headline, Few Differences Between Somali, Domestic Pirates. Little did I realize how much I’d miss those Somali pirates after they were replaced on the world stage by new dogs known as ISIS.

Above: A screenshot of a post published 8 years ago today, but no longer online.

Above: A screenshot of a post published 8 years ago today, but no longer online.

On Nov. 18, 2008, I wrote:

Regardless of where they sleep — or don’t sleep — at night, modern-day pirates seem to be receiving a lot of attention of late. Perhaps their notoriety stems from the fact that they share so much in common.

Sea-loving lowlifes can be found hijacking ships off the coast of the lawless Puntland region of northeastern Somalia” and pointed to examples of their latest work:

• On Sept. 27, the Somali pirates seized a cargo ship containing 33 Russian T-72 battle tanks bound for Kenya.  Though nearly two months have passed since its capture, the ship and its prized contents remain in the hands of the pirates, birthed alongside 11 other illegally-seized ships.

• Some two weeks later, the Somali pirates nabbed an Iranian vessel carrying what was later determined to be a floating “dirty bomb” headed for the Israeli coast.  It was recovered — but only after 16 pirates died from burns suffered as a result of their proximity to the vessel’s radioactive cargo.

• Over the weekend, the Somali pirates hijacked what has been described as the largest “booty” ever seized by marauders at sea — a Saudi oil tanker carrying $100 million of “black gold.”

Chief Gangplankster Harry Reid (D-Nev.) and cronies.

Chief Gangplankster Harry Reid (D-Nev.) and cronies in 2008.

Conversely, land-lubbing pirates can be found wearing silk and wool suits while walking the halls of government in our nation’s capital, promoting a massive bailout of the financial industry by the federal government (a.k.a., “taxpayers”):

• Two months ago, domestic pirates tossed about problem-solving figures that ranged from $700 billion to $1 trillion — or, by some estimates, an estimated $6,500 per family.  After much rhetoric was exchanged, they passed a two-phased bailout package — $350 billion per phase.  Pirates voting in favor of the measure reconciled their actions by claiming that “doing nothing was not an option.”  Soon after, they began feigning surprise over the fact that the people they put in charge of the money can’t tell us where they’ve spent it.

• Today, the same pirates, led by Chief Gangplankster Harry Reid (D-Nev.) are holding meetings to discuss the matter of a proposed $50 billion bailout of the nation’s domestic automobile industry.  That industry, by the way, is one many of the pirates say is “too big to fail.”  Apparently, their financial illiteracy prevents them from reading articles on the subject — like this one by George Will — that explain in precise detail that the industry has failed.

Obviously, both groups of pirates are keen on taking advantage of opportunities in order to realize their own twisted versions of success.  My worry, however, is that the pirates in Washington will, one day too soon, pass what might be described as a piece of ‘dirty bomb’ legislation that blows up on in the faces of all Americans.

Seven years later, Somali pirates have been replaced by ISIS fighters, but the ranks of our domestic pirates have seen only minor leadership changes (i.e., Paul Ryan replace John Boehner as speaker of the House and Mitch McConnell took the Senate gavel from Harry Reid). And, as for so-called “dirty bomb” pieces of legislation,” we’ve seen plenty of ’em blow up in our faces.

Hope you sleep well tonight, mate!

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Off-The-Radar Presidential Candidates Placed in Spotlight

As of today, more than 500 candidates — many more than the nation’s major news outlets are telling you about in articles like this one and this one — have filed the Federal Election Commission paperwork necessary to run for president of the United States. Included among them are some very colorful characters as well as several top names who are not eligible to serve. Below, I offer a glimpse of some of those male and female candidates from across the political spectrum who have, for the most part, remained off the radar of most Americans.

Click on image above to see the FEC's complete list of candidates who've filed to run for president in 2016.

Click on image above to see the FEC’s complete list of candidates who’ve filed to run for president in 2016.

On the homepage of her website, Isis M. Elijah describes herself as an author and poet who is “an African American female Republican candidate for United States President 2016” In addition, she claims to be “the biological daughter of 42nd U.S. President Bill Clinton & Billionaire Oprah Winfrey” and states she has resided in Akron, Ohio, since 1989. Read her FEC Form 2.

On his FEC Form 2, David Edward Baucom Jr. lists a Charlotte, N.C., address. Beyond that, online information about him was difficult to locate. I did, however, find news about a strip club mogul, David “Slim” Baucom, who got Charlotte’s mayor in trouble for accepting bribes. I could not, however, determine whether or not the man running for president as a Republican is related to the man running strip clubs.

The Bull Moose Party‘s Sgt. Hugh Walker has big plans, according to an April 19 letter he submitted to the editor of the Inland Valley Daily Bulletin in Ontario, Calif.  They include building four “super hospital ships” to be staffed by doctors, nurses and technicians who graduate from the U.S. Navy Medical Academy, the building of which is also part of his plan if elected. I wonder if the man from Upland, Calif., knows anything about building fences? Read his FEC Form 2.

Jack Sparrow of Lincoln City, Ore., is running for office as an independent candidate. Apparently, the Republican and Democrat Parties already have enough pirates. Read his FEC Form 2.

Libertarian Dennis Roger Torii Jr. has big plans for the nation if elected. The Army veteran and inventor from St. Cloud, Fla., plans to expand the nation’s borders southward to include Panama and northward to include Canada and Japan. Think Louisiana Purchase on steroids. Read his FEC Form 2.

Independent Michelle “Hope” Walker hopes the messages she shares in her videos will convince you to vote for her so she can move out of her Los Angeles apartment and into the White House. Read her FEC Form 2.

According to his website, which describes him as an author, scientist and “independent presidential candidate in 2012,” Harry Braun III lists himself as a Democrat on the FEC Form 2 he submitted May 15, 2015. If elected in 2016, he says he’s going to “implement Democracy in the USA and a Solar Hydrogen Economy with wartime-speed.” Whatever that means.

The list of presidential candidates also includes a Rodeo cowboy, an entrepreneur, a conspiracy theorist, a Navy vet who sued the Secretary of Veterans Affairs and an atheist Democrat who traveled from West Virginia to Ohio for a Jimmy Carter book-signing event. News about the latter brings two words to mind: nut and peanut.

It also includes a candidate named Limberbutt McCubbins. Though this cat from Louisville, Ky., has no political track record or qualifications, I think he’s as qualified as any of his fellow Democrats to run. You be the judge by looking at his FEC Form 2.

While I plan to share news about other candidates in the race — including doctors, lawyers, teachers and pure lunatics — in a future article, you’ll need to visit this page to see them all now.

For links to other articles of interest as well as photos and commentary, join me on Facebook and Twitter.  Please show your support by buying my books and encouraging your friends and loved ones to do the same.  To learn how to order signed copies, click here. Thanks in advance!

Click on image above to order Bob's books.

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