Call me a “Tuesday Evening Quarterback,” but a review of tonight’s election results show the Republican Party team entered its most-important contest ever with little fan support, a poor game plan and the wrong signal caller lined up behind center.
Team GOP’s shortcomings began with the recruiting process. When loyal fans on the right side of the field saw John McCain of Arizona selected as both their starting quarterback and defensive captain, they feigned excitement and ticket sales (i.e., campaign contributions) waned.
Deep down, fans of Team GOP wished their recruiters had passed on McCain and the other members of the 2008 recruiting class (i.e., Mitt Romney, Mike Huckabee and Rudy Giuliani). They wanted someone who played the game more like Ronald Reagan (right) — perhaps, Oklahoma’s Tom Coburn, a genuine player (i.e., U.S. senator) — to be their starting quarterback (i.e., the nominee).
The team’s woes continued when efforts to scout their chief rival (i.e., conduct opposition research) produced few weaknesses that could be exploited (i.e., allegations that could be proven true to the satisfaction of voters).
Once McCain began calling signals, the Republican offense failed to score both on the ground (i.e., they couldn’t get grassroots Republicans excited) and in the air (i.e., they failed to connect with voters at the receiving end of their campaign messages). As a result, Team GOP’s defense stayed on the field too long, unable to stop the powerful offense of their more agile — and tech-savvy — opponent.
Only after a popular party girl from Alaska (i.e., Gov. Sarah Palin) joined the team (i.e., accepted the vice presidential nomination) in the fourth quarter did fans show excitement about the game. Unfortunately, the gap left by poor execution and inept time management during the first three quarters of the game was too large to overcome and prevented Team GOP from defeating the upstart Democratic Party squad led by Barack Obama.
As the game clock winds down, it appears the McCain team’s only hope rests in the successful use of the challenge flag (i.e., lawsuit) to reverse the final score (i.e., vote tally). Unfortunately for McCain, game officials are likely to be tired and ready to go home after being on the field for most of the past two years.